


Somniphobia

by Hello11



Series: 7 Karushuu One-shots [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Dreams, Fluff, Gen, Karushuu Week, Karushuu Week 2021, M/M, One Shot, Short, karushuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello11/pseuds/Hello11
Summary: When you don't sleep you don't dream, and Karma's not too sure if that's a good thing.(Written for Karushuu week 2021)
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu
Series: 7 Karushuu One-shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129892
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	Somniphobia

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1: Dreams
> 
> Thought I would give this a try, turned out horribly!
> 
> (Warning: very unfulfilling ending.)

When you don't sleep you don't dream, and Karma's not too sure if that's a good thing.

It feels like he's running away from his fears, and Karma's never been one to tuck his tail behind his legs and run but he can't help but do so this time.

He feels like a coward, lying awake in his bed, mercury eyes open wide, too scared to close, fearful of drifting asleep and facing whatever he might see in his dreams.

He's not the only coward here, he thinks, as he and Gakushuu lay in bed, fingers entwined as they half-strangle half-cuddle with each other.

Karma feels Gakushuu's hot breath fanning his skin, and he knows he too is afraid of falling asleep, his gleaming violet eyes entranced with the others golden.

He could count the amount of freckles that marred the others face and make out each individual eyelash with the distance (or lack thereof) between the two, and it's cold but Karma feels so very warm in the others embrace.

He hopes to never fall asleep, where the lands were cold and icy, where his regrets thrived and destroyed his mind, it was warm here and cold there, and Karma fears his dreams. He fears his dreams, more than his nightmares, as his dreams are his greatest wishes which could never come true, marred by his greatest regrets.

They almost taunted him, saying _look, what could have been yours, if you had done something differently,_ his nightmares are his purest fears but his dreams are the incarnations of his darkest regrets and greatest vulnerabilities.

Karma fears falling asleep, so he'd rather stay awake, snuggling with his boyfriend as his gentle breaths and slow heartbeats keep him rooted to reality.

———

It's a cold and icy day when Karma first asks Gakushuu what they had never spoken of before, it's well past midnight yet they remain huddled together near the fireplace as they share a single blanket.

"What do you fear so strongly, that you can never fall asleep?"

It's a cold day when Gakushuu's violet eyes glow among the embers of the fire before him, mirth dancing in them as he leans into the others side. His walls were built high and strong, trained so that they would never break, for years Karma has been trying to scale them, only to realize there was a door to his heart which simply needed time and care to shutter open.

It seems the door has - at last - opened, as Gakushuu deigns him with a reply.

"I don't want to die."

And it's not what Karma had expected, but he's learned to expect the unexpected while being in a relationship with Gakushuu, so he simply nudges him for further elaboration.

His violet eyes bore into Karma's soul as he smiles, ever so slightly that is seems sad, and Karma's a little regretful to admit he has not seen Gakushuu smile many times before (though Ren and the rest of the Big Five assure him it's normal, that Gakushuu was even smiling more now, ever since Karma had joined them) so it strikes him as a small blessing whenever he does catch the other smiling, but this is a sad smile, so in turn, it makes Karma wilt, just a little.

He knows they both have... issues, but he's never been one for sentimentality's, so he'd rather ignore his own issues and simply pretend they don't exist (it's a defense mechanism, really, not a very good one, but a defense mechanism all the same) yet he knows he can't do the same for Gakushuu, somebody who's issues ran a little deeper than normal.

(Though he still refuses to admit that his neglectful and violent child hood has effected him in any negative way so, no, _Nagisa_ , he was perfectly fine!)

"And you think you'll die, if you fall asleep?"

There's a slight hesitation in Karma's voice as he says those words, not sure what to make of this newfound knowledge.

His boyfriend was, Karma found, soon after meeting him, a puzzle, a riddle, a complex question which Karma could never quite figure out, but he's trying, slowly, to unravel the yarn that was Gakushuu's mind and life.

Gakushuu's pale hand entwines with Karma's, a foreign look in his twinkling eyes, the sad smile turning soft before the firelight.

"I'll never know what happens when I fall asleep. One moment I'm there and the next I'm not, how will I ever know if I don't wake up again? It's a strange fear, but it worries me, I'll never be able to prevent it, never be able to say my final goodbyes, never be able to feel the last fleeting moments of whatever remains of my life, I wouldn't even know that I was dying. I would die, drifting away as if I had just fallen asleep."

It's a surreal fear but Karma understands, the fear of death, dying so suddenly, so unaccomplished. He doesn't fear his dreams, like Karma does, he fears death, and Karma feels a little pathetic, who is he to have such a silly fear? He best get over it, really, it's nothing to be scared about.

(Of course, relinquishing fears and phobias is not that easy, so he doesn't sleep that night, or the next or the next or the next—

He really hates his oneirophobia, why should he be scared of his dreams? It was pathetic, really. Truly pathetic.)

———

There was once a time where Karma could sleep in for hours on hours end, where he never had any worries or fears or regrets, where he was lax in his life and lived fist-first, ignoring his issues and smothering them with violence, in hope to draw attention away from his insecurities.

Because, really, he felt like a whole being made of insecurities and fears, of a gooey, vulnerable flesh that could break with a single poke, so he covered himself in a shell so tough, yet so fake, it didn't make the insecurities go away, only covered them from the truth.

He once had no fears or regrets, yet he couldn't say the same now.

There's someone who often visits him in his dreams, and it makes him so happy it's sad, so he hates the thought of Koro-sensei visiting him because all it does is spark regret after regret after regret of what he had done and what he _should_ have done.

So he lies awake, the eye bags under his eyes so deep yet he can't bring himself to sleep, it's not exactly _insomnia_ , as he refuses to fall asleep, no matter how tired he may be.

It seems the only time he can manage to get a wink of the thing he so fears was in the presence of his friends in 3-E, Gakushuu, or the very thing he fears in his dreams: Koro-sensei's rules to live by.

Karma hates sleeping with that damn book, as he would sleep happily and peacefully, yet the dreams he receives make him tear up, an aching hole in his heart is formed, so he hates his sleep and despises his dreams.

———

"What about you?"

"Hmm?"

It was late at night and quite cold but it felt so very warm, and Karma had thought Gakushuu was long since asleep, yet his violet eyes now met with Karma's gold, they stayed laying down but shuffled closer towards each other.

"Why do you fear going to sleep?"

Karma chuckles but he's not sure how to explain, he's not sure how to say he fears his dreams, he fears the happy ones, the happy dreams which make him so very sad.

"Have you ever dreamed of something so happy it's terribly sad?"

By the half-puzzled look on Gakushuu's face, Karma assumes the answer is 'no'.

"I fear my dreams, dreams which suck me into something so happy I don't ever want to wake up. I dream of what could have been, a happy family and a happy childhood, parents who don't leave me alone for years on end, a living Koro-sensei and happy friends, a 'me' who is not violent and not so broken inside.

Then I wake up, and the heartbreak is unbearable. My dreams are what could have been, what can never be, and it makes reality seem so miserable, so meek, I don't want to wake up when I dream, and it makes it sadder when I truly do. I know its fake, not real, in my dreams, and it's mocking, taunting, whenever I dream. I dread them, so I never sleep."

Gakushuu softly strokes Karma's red hair as he's smothered into his chest, breathing heavy as they lay tangled together at the dead of night.

Karma can't see his expression and he's not sure he wants to see, so he remains softly snuggled in each other's arms.

"Am I in your dreams?"

An unexpected question, Karma thinks, and he's not sure if he's simply being vain or if there's an underlying message in his words. He contemplates the question, and once again comes to an unexpected answer.

"No, you aren't in my dreams."

_Because you're a reality._

"Do I make you happy?"

It's a hesitant question, almost as if he's afraid to know the answer, Karma smirks playfully as he rolls onto his back.

"The happiest."

Gakushuu smiles, genuinely, it's a small blessing that he does, eyes lighting up in delight as he tugs Karma closer to him and it almost makes him melt.

"I'll always be here for you, to wake you up from your dreams and comfort you from reality. I'll always be here and not there, where it's warm and not cold, and if you think you won't wake up I'll be there to wake you, if you think you aren't happy here I'll bring you joy. When you sleep, sleep, and dream of whatever makes you happy. And when you wake up... I'll make reality happy too, I'm not in your dreams but I'm here, so you'll never have to be sad, or fearful of your dreams."

And it's a genuine glory and delight which enters his heart when he hears those words, a smile pasting itself where a smirk usually sat, he likes being strong and violent but he doesn't mind simply cuddling with his boyfriend either, speaking softly to each other as they proclaim their love.

He falls asleep that night, softly and solemnly, he's met with dreams that scare him but he knows this time, he _knows_ , that somebody he loves will be greeting him when he wakes up.

———

"Karma?"

"Yeah?"

Gakushuu smiles softly, tracing a finger across the others visage as they stay entangled to each other.

"I love you."

Karma smiles back, looking into Gakushuu's violet eyes, eyes that he so adores, just on the brink of sleep, snuggling close to each other as they share a bed.

"I love you too."


End file.
